Dating info#
I am searching for a partner and a dating profile on popular dating apps like Hinge, Bumble or Tinder gives a very narrow picture of someone, which led me to write this doc, which was inspired by Christopher Olah’s “date me” doc.
️male, heterosexual, don’t have kids, open to having kids, based in Copenhagen, born ‘86, 178 cm, don’t drink & smoke, stable income
What am I searching for in a relationship#
I am comfortable spending time alone, but at the same time I like to reflect about the good and bad sides of the life with someone a have an intimate relationship with that does not have the barriers of a relationship with parents or friends.
Until we turn grey I wish that we together do something meaningful for the society. We could together work problems that is dear to us. From science & engineering to banal house chores. I wish that you work with/for something that is meaningful for you.
We could be role model for others, master the game “It Takes Two” and coordinate in the supermarket by shouting to each other “Darling, do we need more tomato sauce for our sunday pizza?”. You are communicative and direct whenever it is meaningful to be so.
I already had several long romantic relationships with wonderful partners, but we developed into incompatible directions or our goals differed at some point in time. I find that actually part of being a human that goals and preferences can diverge – however I still believe that partners can discover new things in each other and fall in love again; if the partners let each other the freedom to do so. I would wish that you are willing to take new challenges and grow, which would make us fall in love in eachother again and again.
I am a strong believer of gender-equality and I wish that you are not afraid of trying things which are stereotypical for a man like changing the tyres, drilling a hole in the wall or figuring out in which stock to invest.
I wrote about children in another section.
How could a good week together look like#
We don’t necessarily wake up at the same time or from the same bed, but we have a breakfast together and then we go to work. At work we are available to each other, call each other shortly if we feel so, but respect our focus time.
In the evening, if we don’t have any other appointments, we meet for the dinner home. After the dinner we go for a walk and head home. At home we do something creative: sing & draw together or play a game. Alternatively we meet friends.
On weekends we have a long breakfast and after that we go for a longer walk or just go to grocery together with bikes. At home we cook, repair or build something for our home. After the lunch we work on our projects together or individually. We go out for the dinner and invite also some friends.
Alternatively we go for a weekend trip with our bikes and train.
What I bring to the relationship#
Pros:
I am a strong proponent in gender equality and don’t have any problems to take care or other hously chores – even more than my partner. I think there are enough examples of patriarchy and maybe we can be an exciting role model for a modern couple. I don’t have any problems with staying home if needed, e.g., for children.
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Acts of service. I am typically very attentive to people that I have close relationship and like to listen to people’s problems.
Sometimes my partner had to wait one hour for the next train due to delays. I used to stay with her on the phone line until the next train to calm her down. I was already searching for other jobs in other cities where she can work, but her commute made me so sad that I once applied to a position which did not really fit my background.
I like to be proactive and surprise with a helping hand without being informed. For example, I used to prep meal for a close friend who had to travel several hours home without being asked, or I would just walk to my partners favorite parking lot before her anticipated arrival from work to walk with her home together.
I am disciplined around chores. If we set time for something like grocery, children-care or cleaning, I will probably almost never miss it.
Here are some aspects that have conflict potential. Maybe you are different in some aspects so that we can learn from each other:
I usually don’t ask for help. I try to be as self-sufficient as possible, but I know that (1) I don’t have to capacity to do everything (2) Giving others the opportunity to help can make relationships flourish.
Overthinking. Sometimes I spent way too much time before a decision, because I like to understand things in detail.
Minimalism. I tend to be minimalistic about materials and can be very picky when something new must be bought. This is probably due to the fact that I have moved ~ten times in the last 20 years.
Need for creative time, let it be playing guitar, programming or DIY. If you need most of the time physical connection, this could be problematic. On the other hand, if we have mutual creative interests, this would automatically increase the time we spend with each other.
I am highly agreeable and try to avoid conflicts. I find sometimes hard to find the right arguments and words in the moment when the conflict arises. Having said that, I am good to speak up about things later when it calmed down, because I see conflicts as a potential to grow.
Uneasy with passive activities. I prefer something active like playing a game instead of passive activities like watching series or staying in bed and doom scrolling.
What I find attractive#
I noticed through my life that I don’t primarily fall in love through physical beauty. However if I run into someone who can demonstrate her creativity, then I find this sexy and feel instant crush. Some example situations where I felt this:
she drew dozens of vivid pictures of fictional characters
she built a movable waste bin under the kitchen board from upcycled materials
she designed and programmed a cool game.
she responds very creative to my lead during Tango and she also likes lead.
I don’t want to say that beauty does not play a role, but if I have seen these kind of creativity then these made someone suddenly much more attractive to me.
What I do in my free time#
Social dance. Currently I dance Argentinian tango. I like its improvisation potential and that everyone learns how to follow and lead from the beginning.
Playing the guitar. Here is a piece where I sing and play.
Cooking, even I would not call myself a decent cook.
DIY. I like hacking a grader app for students or building a DIY yogurt machine.
Sports. I do it mainly to stay healthy. I do bodyweight exercises.
Work, whenever I find it meaningful.
Things I’m not into#
Smoking & drinking. I had bad experiences with people who exaggerated their consumption in my circle. I don’t like the idea of using an addictive substance.
Going out everyday. I am a relational person but I like I like to spend also a lot of time with myself being creative.
Frequent & short-time traveling. I am very interested in other cultures, but I prefer working & living abroad for some weeks to get a taste of the culture than sightseeing.
Eating meat. I favor a flexitarian diet, because I think factory farming causes animal suffering but at the same time don’t want to make a statement at every social meal.
Children#
I am open to having children, but it is important to discuss timing given my age. Having a family can be very rewarding and I lean towards having – I hear and see how happy my mother is when I call her every day. At the same time I do not see it as a necessity for our relationship.
Does something resonate with you and we might be a fit? Then you can reach me out through . We can go for a walk or arrange a video chat.
Appendix#
You still want to read more? Here you can read more about me.
What makes my life meaningful#
I am relational. Relationships with people around me is a strong driver of my actions.
I enjoy building deep connections with people and I like to explore random but interesting experiences in peoples’ histories. One of the things I like about traveling in a train or plane is that I had many deep conversations with people which I did not see again.
I source a lot of meaning when I see the impact of what I am doing in the society. That is one of the reasons why I prefer to share my work openly.
This curiousity and compassion is for anyone in the world. I would rather live somewhere longer and be part of the society to get to know them instead of barely consuming or enjoying their resources as a typical tourist.
Some random facts#
When I was a baby, I allegedly locked out my grandmother in the balcony to try to fix something disgusting with a screwdriver.
When I was ~9 years old, I built a light for my primary school locker from recycled components of my slot car kit
Most of the time I have fruits and nuts with me as snacks.
I have a motorcycle driving license but I did not use it after the exam.
I moved about ten times in the last twenty years.
I dared to give my first lecture in Danish after living one year in Denmark.
What others say about me#
I asked a friend:
In short: intelligent, hardworking, disciplined, agile, athletic, strong and resilient, determined, successful.
When I look at you, the first adjective that comes to mind is nerd — and that’s because of your passion for computers and information technology; you have gadgets and equipment that most people don’t have at home, and you’re a software developer.
As a second trait, I’d say you have a major success story that has stayed far too much in the shadows. The things you’ve done — IEL, RWTH, KaWo, Siemens, DLR, etc. — the companies and projects you’ve worked on, your current position… you don’t really put this forward or spread it around, and it seems to stay somewhat hidden. I honestly can’t quite put my finger on how to describe it.
The third trait is your social and athletic competence, skills, and hobbies. I think you’re a social person, you’re athletic, disciplined, and you have hobbies.
Genuinely, you don’t have any clearly bad trait or meanness — on the contrary, I think you can be helpful to people even when you don’t intend to be, and sometimes you probably can’t say no.
I need to find a bad quality in you…
You’re not a great host — not in the way we’re used to with Turks, anyway. You’re more like a German in that regard, I think. You’re straightforward, even your own room is like that. But then again, it might not be fair to expect that from you.
Nothing bad is coming to mind — and if that’s considered bad at this point, I really don’t know 😄
Kısacası: zeki, çalışkan, disiplinli, çevik, sportif, güçlü ve dirençli, azimli, başarılı.
Ben sana baktığımda genel olarak aklıma gelen ilk sıfat nerd oluyor, bunun nedeni bilgisayar ve bilgi teknolojilerine olan düşkünlüğün , herkesin evinde olmayan alet ve edavatların var ve yazılımcısın;
İkinci özellik olarak; bence çok fazla gölgede kalmış büyük bir başarı hikayesi diyebilirim; yaptığın işler - IEL - RWTH - KaWo - Siemens - DLR vs, çalıştığın şirket ve projeler, şu anki konumun, bununla ön plana çıkmıyor ya da bunu yaymıyorsun sanırım ve bu biraz saklı kalıyor sanki. Bunu tanımlayamıyorum açıkçası.
Üçüncü özellik sosyal ve sporsal yetkinlik, beceri ve hobilerin; sosyal birisisin bence, sporcusun, disiplinlisin ve hobilerin var.
Samimi olarak net şekilde kötü bir özelliğin ve kötülüğün yok, aksine istemediğin halde dahi insanlara faydan dokunabilir ya da bazen hayır diyemeyeceğini düşünüyorum.
Kötü bir özelliğini bulmam gerek…
İyi bir misafirperver değilsin, yani Türkler’de alıştığımız şekliyle, daha çok Alman gibisin sanırım bu konuda, düzsün, kendi odan dahi öyle. Ama bu yüzden bunu beklemek doğru olmayabilir senden aslında.
Kötü bişi gelmiyor aklıma, bu kötü ise artık, bilemedim 😄
The motivation to my profession#
Most of my life I was curious about technical things and telling about science stuff that I recently learned about or heard of. Probably that drive led me to study engineering and later to become a university teacher. If that sounds a bit nerdy and non-relational, it is not 😄. I cannot underestimate the importance of feeling connected to people around me and I like to use my knowledge for people.
For example when I was a student, I took one semester break from lectures to build a computers for reserving the four washing machines in our 450 student dorm, because the pen-paper reservation system was not working well and I thought my time and energy would be better used for this instead of studying. I enjoy building things that ease the life of people in a meaningful way.
Currently I am privileged enough to spend my time as teacher and researcher in the university, where I can share my excitement and knowledge about computers with students and at the same time delve deeper in complicated topics.
My work takes a significant amount of time, but I also value other kinds of creativity. For example playing the guitar and dancing Tango. These hobbys are also driven by people. I play the guitar not completely for myself but to learn a song that my mother or sister wanted to sing with me. That I like to do things to connect with people applies also to Tango: pair-dance is just another language to connect with people.
Finances#
Academic salary, not industry-level, but stable and enough to live well. Too low to finance a two-room apartment in Copenhagen alone.
Countryside or city#
Half of my life I spent in crowded Istanbul and after I experienced the quality of life in small and mid-sized cities in Germany, I never wanted to come back to my hometown. In most cases, I lived in suburbs 2 to 15 km to the city center, which striked a balance between (time) cost of finding an apartment, distance to work and reaching the city for cultural activities.
I never lived in countryside, but would be open to try that as long as I can use a bike. I like the idea of being independent and building your own house, but I also know that living in an apartment with just enough space can be more sustainable for the society.
One time I had the privilege (and luck) of finding a small apartment in the middle of the city. It was a positive feeling to have everything in walking-distance and seeing people around when I stepped my foot on the street. Luckily the nature was just 500 m away from the city center, where I usually went for taking a walk.
If we have children, I think it will be the best to live in the city or suburbs, so our children do not require our taxi-service. This could support with the scarce time we have during parenthood.
How does my weekday look like as a single#
I usually wake up around 8 o’clock. I live minutes away from my work and usually take a 15 min walk and do some bodyweight exercises before I head home again. Sometimes I cycle instead. After sports I take a long breakfast and go to work.
At work, I usually reserve mornings for focused work like reading / writing a paper, class preparation. Around 12 I eat lunch with my colleagues and I really enjoy it. The afternoon I reserve for meetings or lectures.
In the afternoon I have sometimes my Danish class or a Tango class. I come home around 19 or sometimes 24 if it is a Monday due to Tango. Then I eat something and go to bed.
After my dinner I take a walk around the lake and call my family/friends. Until 23 I usually play guitar, learn Danish or sometimes work.
Around 23 I head the bed and before I go to sleep I read something or repeat some Anki cards.
What I would like to try in the future#
I am not a frequent traveler but I am interested in living in another culture for a longer time and work with them. I thought an academic life would give me this possibility, but it did not give it to the extend I wished. I can imagine moving to another country again in some years if circumstances allow it.
I once made a 1300km bikepacking tour. I would try a longer tour again.
Instead of reading textbooks or listening to podcasts, I would like to read long-form fiction books again.
I would like to make my own music and play in a band.